pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
