You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
