I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
