and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize