the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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