everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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