I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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