Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
