I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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