I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
