Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
