First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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