also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
