We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
