i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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