I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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