He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
