My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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