when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
