Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
