she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
