you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
