This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
