new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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