I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
