You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
