Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
