Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
