Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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