Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
