he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
