i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
