i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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