I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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