All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
