Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found a bag of teeth...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
