Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
