we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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