I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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