I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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