we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the liver wants what the liver wants
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
