The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
