Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
