I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
