**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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