Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
