Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
tell me about the eggs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize