I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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