do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
