This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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