lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize