I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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