I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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