I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
