Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
