is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
