I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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