Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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