I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
