I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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