I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
