3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
