it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
