I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
